wmbookworm

October 15, 2009

Okay, I bet I am putting that down incorrectly in the title but I don't care. This post marks the possible end of October Prompt month.

I'm not giving up, if that is what you are expecting.

The whole purpose of this is to eventually bring about publishable writings, correct? Today I had a spark of inspiration for my next writing, and it shall be quite the undertaking. When I got to my British Literature class, the professor could tell I had been struck with some sort of excitement. I love when those moments of inspiration come out of nowhere. Thank you, my Muse, for bestowing this upon me.

So beginning tomorrow I shall work on putting together a rather lengthy poem, much in the style of The Eve of Saint Agnes or Goblin Market. I have the basis down on paper and simply need to allow the words to come bursting forth from my pen in a spontaneous overflow of expression. I can hardly wait!

Thus I leave you with my Philosophy writing on the Self. Maybe you'll find it semi-interesting. Look for possible teases of my poetic undertaking, and to those who request kindly, you may be able to coax me into sending the entire thing as I work through it! YOU need to ask ME, though. =P

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If an unknown person were to walk up and ask me who I am, what sort of answer would I give them? Would I tell them my job, my faith, my culture, my physical appearance, my family, or my hobbies? Are those to be used together to define what the self is, or is there one single aspect that is more defining than the other? I am going to reason through how I would answer that question if a person were to ask me who I am, focusing on the things I feel best define who I am as a person.

Physical appearance does not define anything that I am, except to differentiate myself from other people present. There are a great many men who are short with brown hair and green eyes. These descriptions may grant a mental image of how I appear, but has no other purpose. I immediately disqualify this from being of any necessity in answering a person who is asking me to define who I am.

Family is my lineage, although this in itself has hardly any significance unless you come from a prominent family. Throughout history this has held true, and there was a time when a person's heritage was very important in defining their social standing. Some of this perpetuates even today, although I believe the only time I introduce myself as, “David Wiley, the son of Jeff Wiley” is when introducing myself for the first time to a person who is an acquaintance of my father. I wouldn't introduce myself to a new classmate in that manner, therefore while your family helps mold you as you grow and develop into a young adult, they are not how you define yourself.

I am willing to believe that many people would begin an introduction with their name, followed by what their job is. As time goes on and I find myself in a new career later in life, perhaps I will be the same way. For the past three years I would do this, mentioning I am a manager at Wal-Mart. Once I realized that was no longer my career path for life, that dropped off from defining who I am as a person. Would I define myself as a Sales Associate at Wal-Mart now? Probably not. It would come up if they were to ask what my job is, but apart from a direct inquiry the subject is likely to remain untouched until the day comes that I find my life-long career. On a side note, odds are I'd be more likely to define myself as a Student, even. That at least gives the impression that I am still working to find my path in life.

Perhaps the best categories to define myself are my goals in life and the activities I enjoy partaking in.. I am a poet and writer, future professor of English in some form, and voluntary editor of my peers' writings. I am an avid reader of literature, a casual golfer and poker player, and a gamer. I am a fanatic football fan for the Minnesota Vikings and the Iowa Hawkeyes. I am an individual who in unique in my own way, forging my own path in this world, working toward my own happiness and successes within a capitalist society.

Yes, I work for my own selfish and personal benefit. To do otherwise would be a crime against all that I am and could ever be. While I belong to a greater whole as a portion of mankind, and on smaller scales as an Iowan and as an employee, these do not define who I am. My ultimate goal in life is not to make money to ease the suffering of those who are “less capable”. For those who have read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, you have seen a prediction of how the world would slowly decay if we all worked toward the universal benefit of the fellow man and woman. While it is a noble idea, there is no benefit to working harder when you are not working toward any personal gain, thus eventually stagnating progress to the point where it shall peak and then decline. Just because some can run faster or jump higher does not mean that others cannot find their own niche. Writing happens to be mine. In twenty years will young students be reading my books and wishing they could write like me? Did Isaac Asimov or Ray Bradbury or John Keats or Robert Louis Stephenson once wonder the same thing? Time will tell as I evolve into my own as a writer and poet, because in the end those are how I would define myself and how I choose to be defined.

October 14, 2009

No, you did not miss #13. Tragedy struck my dear online sister yesterday. She lost her cat, Chaos, who had been her companion for nearly ten years. With that occurring, I thought it fitting to allow a free day and capitalized upon that and fell asleep at a far earlier hour than normal. I started watching the Ultimate Party Movie, and it was only fitting that I fell asleep during it. After all, that is how the party ended up when it was played. Nevertheless, I love the movie V for Vendetta, and am currently finishing it while writing this.

Today had three things of note occur, well at least in my opinion. I suppose none of them really appeal to you but I'm going to talk about them anyway. First, I asked my British Literature professor if she was willing to look over my Narrative Essay for my Comp class, as I wanted some more constructive feedback. I also supplied her with the poems of mine that I have been considering sending out for publication. So today I saw her briefly when leaving my Philosophy class and she told me she had read a few of them so far and compared my poetry to William Wordsworth. Now if she compares my later poems to a Keats or Lord Byron, I'll die from embarrassment. I hope to get a more detailed bit of feedback tomorrow.

Second was the implication of genius at work. My department lead was working the same shift as me tonight, and so a week ago we had the great idea that we should bring a crock pot and cook something decent for our meal. He started cooking the chuck roast this morning and we had an amazing meal at work. I approve.

Last thing of note is a collection of poems which I read today: Sonnets from the Portugese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Holy crap it was great to read. I have no hard time seeing how it is hailed as one of the greatest collections of poetry in the history of literature.

Writing Prompt #14 - Write about your greatest fear(s).

This is contained rather well in a poem I read a few weeks ago by John Keats, and so I shall begin by including that.

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;--then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

I am sure you all can interpret that sonnet on your own, but in case you don't feel like breaking it down I'll be doing so while comparing it with my own fears. The first four lines pertain to Keats seeing all these published books around him and being afraid that he will die before all the ideas he has in his mind can be put into written form as well. I certainly can relate to this because I have a lot of untapped energy and ideas that need to not only reach a written form, but also need to be sent out and published. I could go even farther and say that I fear my writing won't even be good enough to be published, ever. I know, you are going to disagree. Thank you in advance for the vote of confidence.

Then he talks about the stars that represent high romance. He has a woman in mind who he may, or may not, already be close to and in a relationship with. He fears never being able to see her anymore, to hold that love anymore. I suppose I fear that I may never be worthy of having a requited love. I am happy with who I am and on track with who I want to be, but how do I know that I will find someone who feels that same way? Perhaps I am just very hard on myself...

October 12. 2009

Today was BORING as can be. Some great people to text and IM throughout the day to keep me going, but the downfalls of an unchallenging job are beginning to shine through. Not that the break from the madness of management is in ANY way a bad thing, I just have to try and keep focused and find things to do most nights. Tomorrow should be better. No Comp class, just a 5 minute conference in the morning. Then I am free until 11:15 when I have the start of my other two classes. Its good to have that long break in there because I can use it to study for my Russian History test. Then after my classes I get to come home and enjoy a day off by doing Math. Isn't that great?

Finished reading Foundation last night and it WAS AMAZING. Anyone who likes Science Fiction at all would love this book. Simple as that. I had similar recommendations from other people, and now I am hooked into that series. Yet another great example of the genius writing talent of Isaac Asimov.

Tonight's prompt is rather simple as well. Thank you sis for giving me something easy!

Writing Prompt #12: Freewrite for 10 minutes.

You would think that something as open-ended as this would be a breeze;however, there is the trouble of discovering what you want to spend ten minutes writing about. It isn't quite that easy to narrow down, with such an endless availablility of topics to put down thoughts about. So I shall simply start going and see where we end up, huh? It'll be an interesting trip, as always.

So far this month has been a great benefit to me as a writer. I get a reason to put thoughts into words each day no matter what the topic or how simple the end result. It is still writing, and that is the most important part of what I am doing. I know one person is reading this jarbled mess of a journal, and I thank her for her continued support. The games of Scrabble don't hurt, either. Vocabulary is never an unimportant thing to work on, and I've been surprised at the recollection of some words that emerge during the course of a game. It has been an awesome priveledge to play. I really enjoy it.

I really have had an itch to replay Final Fantasy VI ever since creating my Top Ten list. I need Ryan to hurry up and play the game so I can get it back! I would use my computer, but I don't want to invest in a controller, nor do I want to play without a controller because doing Sabin's blitzes on the keyboard would be borderline torture. I'm not a big fan of subjecting myself to torture willingly. I am, on the other hand, a fan of torturing others. Mwa ha ha.

It is funny how I support my online sis in her writing so much, encouraging submissions and trying to give her ideas to run with for NaNoWriMo next month, yet I am doing nothing to aid myself. Heck if I have even done a thing to make progress on my idea of the website, much less research markets to send my writing or submit anything for publication. I need to stop thinking and start doing. Kind of like this concept of the LiveJournal. Don't wait for the opportune time to arrive, but rather seek it out independently and strike out on your own. make your own way. Forge your own destiny. I knowingly admit I have a few things that I could see being qualified as publishable. WHY AM I DELAYING? It makes no sense, and I think after Math tomorrow, I need to put myself up to the task of finding a home for When Love Dies, at least.

Yes. That is a must.

I've figured that out. Now if only I could do the same with the rest of my chaotic life I'd be in great shape.

October 11, 2009

Yes, I didn't post yesterday and with good reason. I was in Iowa City tailgating all afternoon for the Iowa/Michigan game, followed by watching the game at a bar with a fun group of people. Fantastic memories (yes, I remember what happened so I clearly handled the drinking well enough) from that day which "ended" about 3:30 in the morning when we all fell asleep watching Mr. Deeds. Got back in town late morning and then work followed. So now I sit down to produce TWO prompts for all of you. How special does that make you feel?

#10 I actually lost the original text sent to me with it from my sis, so it MAY be a bit off the mark but I believe the gist of it was as follows.

Writing Prompt #10: List five things you want to accomplish in your life and reasons why

1. Get published. - If this one isn't obvious as to the 'why' of it, then you clearly do not know me at all. From the beginning of this LiveJournal my goal has been to write in order to breed more writing. I am very passionate about writing and reading, and as such there could be no greater honor than to hold something I have written, officially published. This one will happen. It HAS to.

2. Get a Degree - What other point is there to be attending college? I am already working my way toward this goal, although it will be a few years until this is accomplished. It will erase one major regret I've had in my life and hopefully place me on the right track toward a long life of happiness. Like #1, this WILL happen. If it does not, you have my permission to come and kick my ass to try and knock sense back into me.

3. Travel the World - Okay, so not the entire world, but I have a great number of destinations that I would like to visit. A lot of friends in some of these destinations, as well. When you have TWO great reasons to go, what would be stopping me from doing it? Oh, you mean I can't do this for free? Poo. Give it time, my friends!

4. Build a House - Random, I know. I've always wanted to design and build my own home someday. I have my written floor plan with the writing exercise I did earlier in this journal, followed by turning that into a longer essay this semester. So what if it doesn't turn out EXACTLY the same? I think it would be fun as hell and what a major thing to be able to say I've done in my life.

5. Find my lifelong love - Oh how sappy and romantic. I know. Even after all the times I've run across the bad side of love, I still yearn to find that lasting love out there. There are many great women. I know some of them, and it is through knowing them that I am able to retain some sliver of hope. Maybe there is a girl out there who isn't keen on doing any of the following: lying, cheating, manipulating, falsly accusing of cheating, leaving to be with another man, leaving to live with her mom, abandoning, stalking, avoiding, constant pessimism toward self, verbally abusive. I hope I didn't miss too many from the list of shit I've had come my way where love is concerned. Any girls reading this qualify? :)

Writing Prompt #11: Poetry counts as writing too! Compose a poem. Yes, it is that simple.

This friendship rings true,

The bond goes beyond the soul,

Hath God shown a path?

October 9, 2009

Two things to mention before getting into the prompt of the day.

Foundation is AMAZING so far. Thank you to everyone who recommended that series to me, as this is absolutely magnificent writing.

Tomorrow. Iowa City. Hawkeyes versus Wolverines. Iowa is so going to be 6-0. I remain firm in this belief, and I know Stacey does as well. I imagine we'll watch this game "together" in similar fashion to the Penn State game. It was awesome. This will be even moreso.

Writing Prompt #9: All great villains have a shared weakness: the monologue. Write a monologue for the "ultimate" bad guy.

Upon reflection, I am altering it from being from a bad guy to one of good. I wrote a great monologue (my opinion) today in my promo for the LWF, and so I am using that. The more I read through it, the greater I felt it was.

You've finally snapped. I was wondering how long it would take to get you to break, boss. What your boiling point would be. Just how much you could handle before choosing to retaliate. To be honest, I expected it to happen months ago. Everything is slowly coming full circle.

What, you thought this was all about me wanting to sign matches of insanity? Oh no, it goes far deeper than all of that.

You want a serious champion. Welcome to the real truth behind Psiko and his wild antics. All will be revealed. Did you forget that I am a man of the past? I am unable to forget the injustice. Take a trip down memory lane, Lock. Way back to 2001 when I began as a rookie. Lock and Ooley ruled supreme as the head of The Regime. You had a young, talented star who was on the rise and you threw every obstacle imaginable in his way. Do you remember December? I do. Ooley targeted me with his mockery, supported by the entire Regime. I took down the commish at Betrayal and then was on track to strike at the next head of the Regime monster: CoolJ, the World Champion. You could have signed the match and all would have been well, but that was far too simple for you. You had to play games, throwing me in Lumberjack matches and Handicap matches to earn that title shot. I faced each challenge and emerged the victor every time. I walked away with a loss at Massive Melee, but that month solidified my hatred for the corrupt nature of The Regime.

If you recall I've faced the Puppet Masters several times along the way. Oh yes, we have a history there in the tag division, Lock. You forced me to give up the People's Championship in order to take a shot at gold. You sent Iceman after me in late 2002. Everything was stemming back to The Regime, up until Replica nearly ended my career.

I came back and was on fire. I lit up the Federation and then you preyed upon the one weakness I possessed. I doubted my own ability. Throughout history The Regime had always had a prominent name to "enforce" the muscle of your corrupt nature. I was played into believing I NEEDED you to become the World Champion. At the cost of my self-respect I entered into a deal which gained me two World Championship reigns. When the fans turned against me and struck out at me, I almost gave in. I almost turned back to the light, but when I looked at that title I became clouded by greed and doubt. You used me to maintain power in the Federation up until its demise in 2005.

When I was offered a new contract upon the return of the LWF, you thought I was still on your side. I had time to reconsider my course in the past and saw the error of my decisions. It bred a new form of hatred for you and the Regime and all that it stood for. You didn't expect it when I turned against you, costing myself a chance to win the title from Arelas. I thought it would clear my conscience, yet I found myself still discontented.

It took me a year to figure out why. Months of watching you sitting behind the desk, still pulling strings even though you no longer had the force to back you. What did you do to remove Arelas, Lock? Were you finally sick of sharing the power?

For two years we've abided by a ranking system to determine who gets a title shot, but just who draws up those rankings? Who books all the matches? There are no open challenges anymore. There is no chance to rise quickly for the vast majority of the competitors. You would hold them down, much like you tried to hold me down. My eyes have opened. I have become the figure that represents this Federation. The days of Phoenix and Arelas being the names at the top are faded into the past. Psiko is LWF.

Every day I hold this title eats away at you. You cling to the power you have left, fearing that it won't be enough to stop me and put an end to my dominance. I never needed the Regime. You knew that all along. I don't need you, Lock.

You. Need. Me.

I first tried to strike at you through your mom. It annoyed you, but it never provoked you to take action. It did bring about a voluntary offering to run a show, and I thought perhaps the old, corrupt Lock was truly gone and that you could reach a sensible solution.

I was wrong.

My campaigning to fill the vacant commissioner spot was ignored. You didn't want to lose any of that power. You no longer have a force to back you, but you still pull the strings much as you once did. I was determined to find out just how far I could go. I made a mockery of everyone and everything. Every foolish antic must have humiliated you, Lock. This was the man representing YOUR Federation. Yet there was no one who could stop me. You knew this.

You won't strip the title away from me, because you know it would end any credibility remaining to your name. It would fully expose you as the shrewd puppeteer that you are. It would make the value of the belt become nothing, and the Federation would collapse into shambles around you. But who is left that you can throw at me?

You have no clique surrounding you anymore. You can't enforce a damn thing, and until you accept that I am right and change the LWF to become the opportunistic Federation it once was, I shall continue to battle against you.

Every day that I remain champion is another blow against you.

Soon I will hold two titles. How long until you give in? Relinquish half of your power, Lock. The fans demand it. Until you do, I shall continue to strike out in defiance.

"Neon lights, a nobel prize
The mirror speaks, the reflection lies
You dont have to follow me
Only you can set me free"

"You gave me fortune
You gave me fame
You me power in your gods name
Im every person you need to be
Im the cult of personality"

I am the Cult of Personality. I have shone the light upon your lies. I am your downfall. Fear me, because you know you are powerless to stop me. No one can stop me.

October 8, 2009

I know I sort of snubbed you all of anything besides the prompt last night. I was tired and wanted to get back to my new Dissidia addiction. I may be so bold as to claim it the best game made since Final Fantasy Tactics. Definitely the best since Super Smash Brothers: Melee. I haven't played enough of Brawl to fairly judge that one. No matter how you break it down, this game is certainly on track to be one of my all-time favorites. Which may end up prompting me to undertake a task I once successfully completed: compiling a Top 100 Video Games list. I could do the same with books now, too. So much opinion to share, so little time to share it in!

I'm taking a short break from my Philosophy. I'm reading about Truth, and then I need to compile an essay on it before class tomorrow. I'm not worried at all. I'm going to simply write about how my personal views on Truth have evolved over the years, going from very Rationalist to become hybridized with Rationalism and Empiricism. My Rationalistic views made it hard for me to become at all religious, but I think I'm finding my own path with that now that I am willing to accept that not all truths can be proven. Deism makes a lot of sense to me. I'm a modern-day Voltaire. :)

On Wednesday I got an e-mail from my Comp teacher about my thoughts on a possible Writing Club. Of course I was rather receptive to the idea and sent a reply stating as much. This morning in class she mentioned to the whole class about the idea and had at least two students I know of express interest in it. After class she tracked me down, which is easy to do with it being my free period, and she wanted my ideas on what to do and what would be beneficial, and then even got my input on some things for her Creative Writing class she is teaching next semester. I've come up with a few more details and will probably compile something much more in-depth over the weekend and send that off to her. What harm would "co-founder" or "co-leader" of a Writing Club do to a school resume, much less a cover letter of something sent off for publication? I'm trying to think a few steps ahead, and foresee this as a VERY good thing. Kind of like my voluntarily helping edit/critique three classmates in Comp. I'm good at what I do. The 48/50 on my Descriptive Essay and the 97/100 on my Romanticism Essay prove that to me. Well, and all my previous writing exploits certainly don't hurt.

Really not a whole lot else to mention. That being said I should dive into my prompt so that I can get back to Philosophy!

Prompt #8: Would you rather have superpowers a la X-Men, or powers based on magical affinity/ability?

To be born with the innate ability of superpowers or to have to harness the power through the environment or personal ability? While this is an interesting question, I find the answer to be quite simple. I am a firm believer in the power of the individual, especially the mind. Knowledge is power, and as such I would find much greater appeal in something that was learned instead of being present upon birth. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of X-Men but it is the "easy" way of having magic or superpowers.

Now the big follow-up question to this would likely be what superpower would I desire to possess? You find all sorts of common choices with speed, flight, invisibility, strength; none of those appeal to me quite as much. If we look at X-Men, my two favorites have been Gambit and Nightcrawler. In one you have the power of Kinetic Energy, and the other Teleportation. How cool would it be to possess tactical genius? Like to be able to see any situation and instantly know the best way to approach it? A military commander who would know the terrain and battle strategy that would optimize success? I'd sure be able to kick ass at Oregon Trail, coming across the rivers with a choice to make. As it stands I just fjord the river every time. I'm sure there is a better way. Having the power of Tactical Genius would be unusual, for sure, but man is it interesting. They'd want me along for every encounter because I could ensure success. :D

Prompt: Characters define a story. Pick a character you like and explain what about that character appeals to you.

Go ahead and call me a nerd. I embrace my nerdiness, for the record. I'm not going to choose a character from a story, but rather one from a video game. The game is Final Fantasy VI, and in my opinion the characters in there are part of what makes this game stand above any others.

Terra is the one I must begin talk about, although there are MANY great characters in this game. She starts off as a young girl who has no recollection of her past memories, nor any idea of what she wants to do with her future. Because of who she is (although she does not know why) the Empire is after her and so she flees with Locke and Edgar, who promised to stay with her until her memory returns and to help her discover her power. She is faced with a decision to join the cause of the Returners, as their "last hope", although questioning which choice is right and which side is evil. Later she comes into contact with the Esper, triggering her memories involving her identity and she mutates into an Esper form and flees, ending up in the care of Ramuh. Through the trace remains of her Esper father, she comes to  understand who she is and chooses to continue to help the Returners strike peace with the Empire. She still is unsure of what her feelings are and what she wants, and tries to learn from others about Love and other abstract ideas. Come the second half of the game, she has discovered her purpose. She has become a motherly sort of protector for a group of children whose parents have died. She finally feels what it is to love and to be loved. It takes time, but eventually she sees that she needs to leave them to go and fight Kefka in order to make a safer world for the children she has grown attached to.

TALK ABOUT A DYNAMIC CHANGE!

The growth and development of Terra from the timid, inquisitive young woman into the strong-willed and determined freedom fighter is a prime example of how a character should be made. Events along the plot of a story that redefine or change a character. Sometimes it reinforces who a character is and what morals they uphold. Either way, the characters are certainly not static, nor do they merely say "..." all the time.

THAT is what makes Terra and her companions great characters.

October 6, 2009

So I have waited all day to get a prompt from my online sis, only to be met with much disappointment. Somehow I have the feeling she is too busy playing Dissidia to bother with any of these, which is fine with me. I'm doing this LiveJournal for my own purpose, after all. Taking a break from Dissidia myself, I began to tidy up my unruly clutter in hopes of finding some of my writings to piece together for my attempt to create a website. I came across a notebook and opened it up to find something I've noy looked at for THREE YEARS. Back in July of 2006 (timeline for you folks: my wife left me in May of 2006, but at the time she claimed wanting time and would be back eventually) I first got into writing with prompts. This lasted for all of three entries, and I shall type them onto here for all of you tonight to see. And then, in two days if I do not have a prompt again to work with, I'll type up the next pages of writing in there from January of 2008, which came about from reading Writing Down the Bones. It led to six entries total, including the emergance of my greatest poem (in my opinion as well as a few others who have seen enough to judge), When Love Dies. I keep mentioning that poem and with good reason. Ask me for it. I'll show it to you but I warn you that it may evoke an emotional response.

Note that I am choosing to type these EXACTLY as they appear on the page so expect a few spelling and punctuation errors. Even in such a short time I can see how my writing has evolved. :)

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7/23/06 - Prompt #226 - Imagine you'll be sailing around the world. Who's your travel partner and why?

I must begin with a note that this particular prompt ended up heading into a string of Pirates of the Carribbean quotes via AIM. That being said, I am so watching the movie as soon as I complete this. If I were to sail around the world, I would obviously want to go with my loving wife. Given that she hates the ocean (but loves dolphins, go figure), I do not think I could successfully coax her into accompanying me on the trip. Therefore I must fall back upon my second choice.

The travel partner, without doubt, would be my best friend Jon. We've been good friends since High School and we still hang out all the time. He's helped me out a few times, so this would be my way of repaying the favor. We'd sail the world like a pair of pirates, pillaging and plundering to our heart's desire. Okay, maybe we wouldn't be so pirate-like after all, but we would still have the hat! And perhaps some run! Aye, and a patch! Yarr!

We'd set sail from South Carolina and make port in a few key places along the way. France, Italy, England, and Scotland would be a must. We'd want to hit Japan because visiting the capitol of the Video Game Industry would rock. Perhaps hit India or Egypt as well. Oh, and Australia and Argentina. Yeah, why sail the world and not make a few stops along the way, right? Just the sailing on a pirate ship would rock hardcore, though!

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7/24/06 - My Experience as a Hitchhiker

When my car broke down last night in the Dairy Queen parking lot, I was more than annoyed. Of all the thoughts running through my mind at the time, none were positive. After all, who would actually want to be without their mode of transportation? Much less have the desire to pay someone to fix it? Many people can't afford to pay for those repairs. Yet somehow we scrape up the money to do so, usually in a very short period of time. I knew I'd be losing money because of this. Not once did I expect to gain something positive from the experience. I was wrong.

A lot of us look down upon hitchhiking. Movies and stories of serial killers and rapists make us hesitant to stop and help our fellow man out. I know I have never had the urge to pick someone up and give them a lift. Today my perspective on hitchhiking has been dramatically altered. Having to hitchhike can do that.

I live in a small town in central Iowa. My car broke down in a city six miles from there, and was getting repaired in the same city. Yesterday just so happened to be Sunday, which meant it wouldn't get looked at until today. With that being my only vehicle I was put in quite a bind by this. Yesterday I was fortunate enough to have a good friend who was able to drive up here to take me home. I was not so lucky this morning.

Given that it was likely to be several hours before I could catch a ride, I did what I thought was the best course of action: I started walking. Being early morning, the July heat was not overwhelming yet. Despite this, something became obvious very quickly: I am out of shape. Even as I sit here, writing this, I can still feel the burn from my exhertion. I suddenly began to doubt my ability to go the entire distance. After half an hour of internal debate I gave in to the idea. I started to put my thumb out as I kept walking.

As the cars kept passing by I started to feel like white trash. Vehicles zoomed by constantly with no signs of slowing down. They are all too busy, as I have pretended to be in the past when passing by a lonesome hitchhiker. I'm sure some of the people in these cars judged me as they drove by, just like I have. For twenty minutes this goes on and I begin to lose hope. I almost resolved to quit trying and just walk the rest of the way. I almost didn't even try when I ended up being successful. Thank goodness I overrode that internal critic. I think I would still be walking now.

While this may not have been a life-altering experience, several things have entered my mind as a result. I've realized that I need to exercise more. Sure, I've known that for years, but the burning in my shins tells me I need to do something about it. I've also learned that I shouldn't be so quick to pass judgement on these people that you see with their thumbs out in the air. Whether or not I actually stop remains to be seen, but I feel that I'll be more inclined to do so. After all, once you've been down that road yourself you'll remember what it was like. I'll remember how joyful I was when someone finally stopped.

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7/24/06 - Writing About my Dreams and Ambitions

At the young age of 22, I have a lot of life ahead of me, but no clear direction of where I want to go. That ends here and now, as I am about to go into vivid detail about my innermost dreams and desires.

Perhaps most prominent of all would be those that revolve around writing, but the dream of "being published" is far too vague. What do I want out of writing? What do I want to publsh? Where? How many? When? All of these currently have no clear answer or a vague one at best. Let us start from the first and go from there.

What do I hope to accomplish with a career in writing? As any aspiring novelist would, I dream of writing the next Great American Novel. Given that this aspiration is rather large and clearly as close to unrealistic as I can get, I'll decide to aim lower. Ultimately, if I can hit a point where royalties from sales alone allow me to quit my day job, or cut back to part time, then I would be happy. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to write full time. The freedom I experience when I truly begin to dive into my writing is absolutely blissful.

What do I want to publish? At worst I want to reveal the (at this time) trilogy that will tell Gareth's story. His character has been with me for a few years now and seems to have no desire to depart with nothing to show. I'd love to follow my idea of writing a series of short stories following the adventures of Dirk DerMond. To not only publish his tales, but to create an anthology. The book of Dirk, being a collection of related stories revolving around my oldest existing character. I would also love to publish some poems. Could I make a collection? I feel that I am capable of accomplishing that. Instead of waiting for the mood to strike, I need to start trying to simply write. Anything at all that comes to mind should meet the paper. Thus the notebook!

Where do I want to be published? Or rather, by whom? TOR or Del Ray would be fantastic homes for my novels. Aim high, my friends, for the sky is the limit. Magazines? Realms of Fantasy, Asimov's Science Fiction & Fantasy, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review. Seeing as how I am not yet familiarized with many magazines, the list ends here.

How many do I want to publish? At least five books. Three novels, a short story collection, and a poetry collection. But really, I can't put a number here. I want everything I submit to be published. I want to submit everything I write. I want to write forever. So I'll let you imagine a large number to put in here.

By when? Ah yes, this is the tricky one. Deadlines are great. That being said, everything takes as long as it needs to take. Just like the length is as long as it needs to be. To restrict with a requirement would be absurd and unrealistic. Patience is a virtue.

October 5, 2009

Prompt of the Day: Write a review for a book you have read this year, told in a story as one character relating it to another and believing it truly happened.

"You will not believe what I just bloody discovered," Hamish said to his best friend, struggling to keep his kilt from flapping in the wind.

"Did you find a dead raccoon outside your house and have a free lunch?" John asked, an amused grin on his face.

"Oh right, eh? Wouldn't that have made my bloody day! I could only hope it would been that instead."

The moment of awkward silence was enough to provoke Hamish to continue his story. "Vampires once invaded London itself."

"You don't say! Now how do you know this?"

"There is this book about an old vampire that went by the name of Dracula. He connived a scheme to leave Transylvania behind and head into England for some fresh blood."

"So he is a vampire, huh? Like in Twilight?"

"Fuck no, not the sissy type of vampire from Twilight. This guy is the real deal, commanding wolves and transforming into a wolf or bat or the mist at will."

"So did he get bored and go home after all?"

"My god, man, are you daft? He was hunted down by a small group of men and one woman, a Miss Mina. She was the inspiration for Doctor Van Helsing and his companions."

"Oh, so Van Helsing the bounty hunter was in this?"

"Fuck no, that bounty hunter nonsense was all made up for movies. This is the stuff that truth is made out of. Living, breathing legends as retold through the diaries of those involved."

"We should go to visit the body of this Dracula and see if he is in his coffin still!"

"Too late! They cut off the bastard's head and drove a stake in his 'eart and filled his mouth with garlic. He turned to dust, freeing his soul at last. They believed this act to have freed all other vampires from their mortal coils, which is why we are safe today. Vampires are extinct because of the boldness of Quincy and Jonathan and company. May God watch over their kind souls."

"You're a fool. That book isn't real."

"Then how do you explain the diaries?"

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Weak, I know, but I had a ton of homework keeping me busy today and then the football game and I am just too tired to really put forth more effort into this. A shame, because I really was looking forward to going all out with this, but the dialogue captures the gist of it. :(

October 4, 2009

I absolutely must begin by stating that Dissidia: Final Fantasy is WTFOMGAMAZINGFTW. Yes, I just did a whole lot of acronyms in caps surrounding the word 'amazing', and failed to even use spaces. I'm feeling a bit hypocritical, but it accurately expresses my immediate reaction toward the game. My second reaction, of course, was 'I hate Cecil' after getting my ass handed to me in a few quick battles (Thanks Steve for the advice of doing those before hitting Story Mode with them. I have only won TWICE via that route, you jerkface). My issue with Cecil: the Dark Knight form is not very good to start, and once I learned to change to Paladin I made sure I did almost all battles in Paladin mode. It wasn't until this afternoon that my BIGGEST hatred of the Dark Knight form (aerial attack is a fucking Pulse that makes him stay in place for ages. Fail) was rectified with a better move being accessed. Almost all the rest of my fights were done with him in Dark Knight form after that. Now I'm to n00b-friendly Cloud's story. Well, I was for a while.

BOOKS! Oh yes, I finished reading Persuasion by Jane Austen today! It was my first full emergence into an Austen novel, and I can see why she is heralded as one of the great female authors. It became incredibly gripping for the final third and I just HAD to bring it home and finish the book before doing ANYTHING else after work. It was that good of an ending. Now to take Asimov's Foundation to work on Wednesday, since I have had three people this year recommend it to me. There has to be a good reason for that.

Writing Prompt #4: Are you a person who prefers clutter or clean, and how might that influence your process as a writer?

I very much have clutter around me. I keep it sanitary, the bulk is papers and DVDs and computer game cases, as well as soon random items. It isn't like I have month-old pizza boxes or anything disgusting like that. Five years ago I was bad about that sort of thing, not anymore. The funny thing is I am so OCD about the organization of CERTAIN THINGS, and this goes all the way back to my childhood. I used to sit on the floor and go through my hundreds (maybe thousands) of baseball and football and basketball cards and reorganize them. Weekly. Sometimes it was by player, other times by team, and then the next week by brand. It fluctuated all the time and it was one way I spent my days growing up when i wasn't hooked on a video game. I think my biggest OCD has become my books. It has literally been bothering me for about two months that my books are no longer in order, but I've been so busy with everything else going on that the hours (yes, hours) to overhaul my bookshelves and their organization method is out of the question. That and the fact that I need to buy two more bookshelves, and I really don't want to put them together ha ha.

Judge for yourself how it influences my writing style. You, my faithful readers, have been witness to my pure, unedited writing. Does it make sense when I shift from topic to topic? Sometimes, perhaps, but I imagine there are moments you scratch your head and wonder how I got from point A to point B. My thoughts and ideas tend to jump around and will come out without regard for coherence or fluidity. In fact, my dislike for plotting and summarizing and planning in advance is likely the only thing holding me back from undertaking a novel. I'm happy with poems, short stories, and my LiveJournal entries. I'm considering making myself a little more marketable with business cards (heck I had a professor recommend I look into being a student tutor for Comp, why can't I be an amateur editor?) and design and manage a real website for myself. I've attempted this a few times without success. I can't put up anything I would consider submitting for publication (some places consider that using the First Rights, since it is "self-published") but I have plenty of decent stuff that just doesn't strike me as marketable (like some of my rants from here and my essays from classes, along with some unfinished works). Do you think I should? What sort of stuff would you like to see me put on there, if I do? I'd like a "beta tester" or two to help me check the links within the site if I get it up and running, and of course they would have the first viewing of some things that NO ONE has EVER SEEN.

See what I mean about my thoughts leaping around?

October 3, 2009

Today will soon = first experience playing Dissidia: Final Fantasy. I've heard NOTHING except positive reviews from all my friends, and so I had to coerce my brother to bring his PSP for me to borrow. My intention was to get it as soon as he was done with drill today, and delayed that because James wanted my help in FFXI with an epic battle. So I delayed it. And then I get home with it around 7 and decide to get some more Math homework out of the way, knowing the odds are good that I won't touch that once I begin to play. So I go to finally play it and I need to update the PSP. Okay, no big deal.

Wrong.

It tells me the battery is too low and I need to charge it before I can update. Even with it plugged in it won't allow me to. Fail. /facepalm

So now I am getting around to this while I await the charging of the PSP to get some Dissidia action.

Prompt #3: In Atlas Shrugged the great minds of the world went on strike when they were expected to forfeit the profits of their labor to help support those who were 'less capable' while the worthless bureaucrats horded wealth by leeching off the great minds. What would you go on strike for? Write a rant or story that expresses your answer.

As a poet, writer, and avid reader I know what would set me over the edge when it comes to literature. Now I am more than accepting of the idea of others wanting to use "u, r, ur, y' etc. when they are TEXTING (not for any other reason. Even in texting I disagree.) I get it. And acronyms are perfecly acceptable within reason, so long as we don't become like Russia and have them for just about everything (according to my Russian History teacher, the Russians always LOVE acronyms and use them very, very often). Even I have fallen to using some of them in chat or text, such as 'lol' or 'brb'. Via eletronic forms of communication, I can see the utility of these from time to time.

While I get annoyed by frequent overuse of some of these, in an informal method of conversation I am able to tolerate this.

What I will not stand for is the use of these in any form of published writing. The day I open up a book of poetry and see some form of this leaping out of the page will be the day I lose all faith in humanity.

It is bad enough that so few people seem to find enjoyment in reading anymore.

I could not fathom why any publishing company would want to taint their name by allowing that garbage to be published by them. I hope to never see this day. I am sure I could easily search and find ones that are self-posted or self-published out there on the internet right now. This knowledge is depressing in itself, but at least I could find some small positive in the fact that there are still people out there who are willing to put pen (or keyboard, as is the most likely case) to their thoughts and emotions.

I am ready to lose faith in humanity. That will be the day I know that there is a need for a radical change in the direction of the world.

Not that there isn't already that need. How many misuses of "you, you're, your" or "to, too, two" do you see running rampant everywhere? People are taking a COLLEGE level writing course and have such terrible grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure that it makes me wonder what sort of education system we truly have here in the United States. I understood the difference between those a long time ago. I have learned what a noun, verb, and preposition is. I can form coherent sentences, even in an informal writing medium such as what I allow this to be. Nothing makes me cringe worse than hearing "But spell-check told me it was all okay". Fuck the laziness. Learn to communicate, people. Not just orally, but also in written form.

I had best get off this soap box before I get out of control.

October 2, 2009

Another day fading into the past. Philosophy class was easy today, we just took a quiz and got out 15 minutes early. Took a math quiz today as well online and had no troubles with that at all. Work sucked. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the "go to" guy there because I get stuck with some really crappy things, just because they know it'll be done right. Such is life, no?

Writing Prompt #2 - If you could pick an existing book or series to have authored instead of the actual author, which would it be and why? (GOOD PROMPT, SIS!)

I must admit this was rather difficult to come up with an adequate answer to. Of course I could take the easy way out and pick something that has been deemed a classic in literature, whether modern or something historic. What writer wouldn't want to be the person to have penned Hamlet or The Lord of the Rings or something along those lines? Those are not only too obvious for me to want to select, but also won't expose some of my readers to a rare gem of literature. My eventual decision certainly may do just that. I've recommended this book duo to two other avid readers in the past and both agreed it was among the best literature they had ever read. Yes, they are that good.

Some of those who know me best are aware that I have a passion for the Legend of King Arthur. It first captivated me in sixth grade, and has refused to let go ever since. I've barely scratched the surface on reading all the variations of the King Arthur legend and those famous men and women surrounding him. I've read books that are highly factual and historical, ones that are told from Merlin's perspective, ones told from Lancelot's perspective, Arthur's perspective. I've read the first book in a four-book series that approached the legend in a way I had never ever imagined before, and now that I own all four books I need to get around to reading the rest of that, but even this book didn't compete with the tale as told through Guinevere.

When I picked up Queen of Camelot by Nancy McKenzie, I didn't know what to expect. The idea of a book that followed the Queen from her childhood into her romance with Arthur and beyond was enticing. I can't remember why it was selected to be read that day, but it didn't take long for me to get hooked and before I was done with the first half of the joined novel (Queen of Camelot was initially released as two books: The Child Queen and The High Queen) I knew I was reading a book that would blow away anything I had read before.

I think it would be feasible for me to predict an Arthurian novel attempt at some point in my life. I absolutely love the entire scope of the legend and every new spin on it that I read only makes me think even more about the possibilities. The fact that the last Arthurian novel I read was two years ago when I undertook The Dragon and the Unicorn by A.A. Attanasio is slightly depressing to me. I need to get one or two under my belt before the new year arrives. I have about a dozen different ones to choose from that are on my bookshelves that are yet to be read. Maybe after Moby Dick I'll head into that.

October 1, 2009,

Yes, readers, today marks the beginning of my month-long dedication to journal entries. Having sent this prompt off to my beloved online sis this morning, I figure I may as well utilize my free period to make my entry. I tried to read instead, as I usually do, but the itch to put words down was overwhelming. I find this to be a good thing, don't you?

Writing Prompt #1 - As writers, we all love to read good books for inspiration. What book inspired you as a writer and why?

How far back should I go with this? My more recent inspirations have come from three writing books themselves, and I do believe all three are well-known to the writing community: On Writing by Stephen King, Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury, and Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. All three reached out with the established writer's advice on what methods they have used over the years. It showed the humble beginnings in the careers of some of the most brilliant minds behind modern novels. It talked about some of their processes used, such as how Bradbury jots down a single word that captures him. He has all these words on a wall and eventually a story comes out of the word, sometimes several at once. It takes one word, one thought, to make a story come to life.

They encourage daily writing. Is that not what I am choosing to do now? This is something I need to strive to accomplish, because the act of writing breeds future excellence much as reading others will mold your own style and voice. For any upcoming writers, I do recommend all three of these. They have helped reignite the spark of desire within me to reach for the heights of my dreams. Sometimes all we need is that sageful shove from someone we can look up to.

As far as my writing itself is concerned, I think there are three predominant Fantasy writers whose books have captivated me more than most. To the first I pay homage to the great J.R.R. Tolkien and his Lord of the Rings books. The immense scene taking place, and the vivid imagination of his mind are played out over the course of many different texts regarding Middle Earth. The man went so far as to design a language and to give his entire world a strong history. While The Silmarillion is a difficult read to get through, it truly displays the magnitude of the undertaking that Tolkien created.

Second is to the late David Eddings, whose novels have captivated me since Middle School when I first read stories about Sparhawk. His twelve books revolving around the same sets of characters, most memorable among them being Belgarath the Sorcerer, are among the greatest that I've ever read. Much like Tolkien before him, he made the people and the world they live in take a life of its own. The Fantasy world was dealt a tragic blow the day that Mr. Eddings left us, and he shall forever be honored in my mind.

Last would be Terry Goodkind. His Sword of Truth series is epic. There is no other word that adequately captures the essence of his novels. I still need to sit down and make my way through his series once more in order to finish the series itself. My last time through his most recent novel was Chainfire, which I felt was a step back in the right direction for his novels. His characters come to life from the pages of the book, and is by far the most enjoyable series of Fantasy books I have ever read, as long as you can get around his very blatant preachiness. Wizard's First Rule remains both my most-read and highest praised novel that I have ever read, and with good reason. It created the magic that started it all. Do yourself a favor and pick it up. Don't let the 822 pages intimidate you, it is packed with some of the best writing out there.

Until my novel gets created, that is. :D

October 1, 2009:

Before I get into the writing I have two things to comment on. First being that October 1st = 1 month with Aimee-Beth. Totally awesome.

Second being a brief mention of what brought this writing about. For my Composition class we have to read all these essays and this week we read about essays on "Identity". There are journal topics after each one, and we have to write a journal entry about an essay from the chapter. On Tuesday we covered in depth one of the more powerful essays so far, which was titled On Self Respect. Afterward she instructed us to write the next journal on this essay if we didn't choose that one with our previous journal. I did not, so tonight I sat down and reread the essay. I didn't want to write on any of the given journal topics. Instead I sort of freestyled it into a journey on what self-respect and identity mean to me and how I came to gain them. Well, sort of. Just read the damn thing and GIVE ME FEEDBACK. :D

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A person cannot possibly respect themselves, much less expect anyone else to have respect for them, without knowing first who they truly are. To find out the answer to the question of 'Who am I?' requires a harsh dive into the unsympathetic torrents of honest criticism and analysis. This requires an internal willingness to ask the personal questions that you tend to shy away from like a puppy who has been caught trying to snatch a scrap of food off the table. Standing at a crossroad, determining whether to be true to what you think and feel and experience, or to go with the crowd and become a part of the mainstream popularity, molding yourself into what will be most accommodating to everyone but yourself. I stood at a standstill with this choice, torn to find a way to do both like Robert Frost once yearned to do himself, and for years I always walked down the path most trodden. Time and again I would reach the same fork in the road, faced with the same decision and blind to the fact that I was walking down a path which was leading me in circles. It fit the definition of insanity.

I've always known fragmented portions of who I am. Growing up I tried to fit these fragments of identity into the moldings of stereotypes, always wondering why the puzzle pieces never meshed but never giving the question serious thought. I allowed myself to become browbeat into a quiet personality, afraid to voice my opinions and too timid to display the depths of my intelligence. I was too intimidated to even give my thirst for knowledge an opportunity to flourish, trying to break through the labels placed upon me by my peers. I never applied myself toward my education, content to ease by with average grades. By doing this I enabled them to win, and for years I would hang my head with the shame of a Samurai who has fallen into dishonor. I fell upon my sword by diving into the workplace, killing off the potential to achieve dreams.

For some people the harsh reality of the world outside of public education is a strong wake-up call, but I still groped to find my identity. Chained in place by the desire to find acceptance in others, I could only see the shadowy outlines of who I was. My identity was imprisoned, much like Plato's example in 'the myth of the cave'. Instead of challenging myself to discover the sources of these shadows I allowed myself to tighten the ropes of bondage through sacrifice of myself in a relationship. Her happiness was important. If she was happy, shouldn't I be happy, too? If she didn't like my friends, isn't it easier to make new friends that would gain her approval? If she didn't like my family, aren't I independent of obligation to see them outside of holidays? If she didn't like my playing video games or writing, isn't it a small sacrifice to give up simple hobbies and recreational activities for the acceptance and love of this woman?

I know the answer to these questions now. Life taught me a valuable lesson the day she abandoned me, leaving the state with our son. It took me four months to leave the smothering bog of self-pity and resolve to take action. I knew what I wanted in my life, at least as far as love is concerned. There are sacrifices that have to be made in a relationship to make it function, but those should never involve shedding your identity as though it were an old skin, with the hope of it revealing a fresher version underneath. By learning what things in life I was not willing to give up for anyone, I gained back a part of my identity and my first real allocation of self-respect. I knew what made me who I am, and became proud of my family and friends and hobbies. At the same time, I was still missing a portion of the equation needed to gain my full share of respect.

My heart told me what I already knew: there was a major regret in my life that would eat away at me forever. I slaved away for hours at my job, and then the hours turned into days, and before I knew it the days ended up becoming years. I was no closer to fixing this problem in my life, and each passing day would make it more difficult to attempt than the one before. The risk of a major life change, after working and being independent for years, is far more difficult to undertake than most young adults realize. The harsh realization that my job was sucking all the creative life out of me only made me work harder. Like Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden, with each struggle that came across my path I simply lowered my head and put myself to the task without care of how much longer I could go on without everything collapsing around me. I continued to shirk away from taking a leap of faith until the day finally came my spirit gave way. My days became part of an endless cycle of routine, my actions becoming mechanical and emotionless.

A year ago there was a friend of mine who could see what this was doing to me, although she lived halfway across the United States. She put words to the thought that had been burning in the back of my mind for years: I need to leave retail and pursue my passions and get an education. Revolution must begin with one sole voice that is brave enough to stand firm against precedence. It took months for my mind to come to a decision, but once the final choice was made official there was a rebirth. From the barren ashes burst forth a flame of brilliance and inspiration. An explosion of writing burst from the seams of my mind and heart, granting me the joy of a passion to contrast the drudgery of the final months of a hated job. I finally placed word and action to what I wanted from life. The final day in the job of a manager was the day that the world was removed from the shoulders of an exhausted titan. I earned the final fraction of self-respect.

The answer to the question of who I am is unable to be defined in simple terms. The person I am today may not be the same person that wakes up tomorrow. In five years I will not be doing the same thing I will be doing tomorrow. I can accept change. I can accept changes in who I am and what I like, as long as these changes are not made on behalf of another person. I can accept the consequences of the departure from a secure job that I had, because in leaving that behind I am able to chase the dreams of a brighter future. To shape my own world, backed by my brilliant mind and vivid imagination. Even if I never get a piece of writing published, if I never write a word that impacts someone's life in some way, it will still have been a successful life for me. Every dime I'll earn will be a dime made by my own effort in leading the life that I desire. No one can take that away from me. No one else can decide what I am, and if I can't respect who I am how can I expect you to?

September 29, 2009:

It has been a busy week. I had a few essays to knock out, as well as a test to be prepared for and 38 hours of work on top of it all. I apologize for my LACK of posting in here; however, I have a plan to make the next month worth your while! My close friend, who I have considered to be my online sister for YEARS now, is going to join me in a month-long writing activity to hopefully give us both a creative spark. We're each going to choose 15 prompts and alternate who picks the prompt of the day. We then have until midnight to write about it, with no restrictions on time or word counts. I am not sure if she'll be making hers available for anyone to view (except me, I am forcing her to do that much) but you can look for each of mine right here in the LiveJournal. Yes, you will have 31 days of continuous updates to read.

"Wait, 15 + 15 = 30!" you say? That is because on October 31 we'll both be writing a reflection on the month of writing exercises. So ha! I sure showed you, anonymous reader person!

This is assuming anyone even is reading any of this. It doesn't matter, I am doing this for ME and no one else. But if you are still a faithful reader, or a newly found reader, feel free to make yourself known! Then you can guilt me into posting in here more often after October comes to a conclusion and NaNoWriMo gets underway. I'm still undecided about the reality of attempting that this year. I doubt I can juggle that on top of everything else. Maybe I'll push my NaNoWriMo back to my winter break from school. Good idea?

Okay, there is one of the three things promised in my title. Next we have the top ten. Yes, I am working through that listing backward, and no I will not change that. Deal with the random progression of my thought process, or go read someone else's journal! I mean, anything to please my readers. -_-

Certifiably insane = me.

Enough digression! This top ten is in regards to the wonderful music of Final Fantasy VI. I recommend this game above ALL OTHERS to anyone who has never played it. I could go on for pages about why it is so amazing and what makes it worth playing, but I'll save that for another day. Be content to read this information about the best of its music. Youtube these tracks if you are curious to hear the beauty of the music I am referring to. Oh, and spoilers did pop up in here, so if you have not played the game read through at your own risk. You can just read the song titles and not my reasonings.

10. Relm's Theme - Ironic how one of the most overlooked and underrated characters in this game has one of the best individual themes. There is such strong emotion contained within this theme, especially if you manage to get your hands on the orchestrated rendition of this tune, or the vocal variation. It sets the mood rather well for a few scenes within the game and will always be for me, as well as for countless other Final Fantasy VI fans, the best thing to come from Relm in this game.

9. Setzer's Theme - The only other character theme to crack into my top ten, this simply makes me want to go out and save the world. Upbeat and motivating, some people might tire of hearing this theme every time they go inside the airship to change characters, but I look forward to this almost as much as the ever-changing commentary of the other characters inside the airship. If you're going to gamble your life away to fight Kefka, why not go with an optimistic outlook? This song helps to deliver that.

8. Phantom Train - I remember the eerie vibe I got the very first time I set foot into the Phantom Train as a child. Surrounded by ghosts and the thought that there is 'No escape...' this is the perfect backdrop for your journey to the front of the train to bargain for your soul's salvation. Check out the piano and orchestrated versions of this tune for some extra enjoyment options.

7. Battle to the Death - Oh holy shit, this music is intense! Well, that was my initial impression upon reaching Atma Weapon. It was a very refreshing change from the usual boss theme (which isn't bad at all, mind you). If you are poorly prepared in strategy or levels, this boss can be one badass mofo who will gladly munch on your bones for breakfast. Even after all these years I can still have an epic struggle to battle my way past him. No wonder the Atma Weapon is such an incredible sword, huh?

6. Johnny C. Bad - I can picture an entire arena of people just jiving with this tune in the background. It has an amazing beat and is catchy as hell. I often find myself whistling or humming this at work. It sticks with you and serves as the theme for the Coliseum, which is disappointing as a whole because you just hate gambling that rare item to have Chupon appear and take it away from you. It represents those endless hours of reset after reset to get that proper combination of gambles for some of the best gear and relics in the game.

BREAKING INTO THE TOP FIVE! YAY YOU FOR STILL READING THIS!

5. The Decisive Battle - Remember how I mentioned Battle to the Death as being a refreshing new boss music? Yeah, well, this is still by far the best theme out of any Final Fantasy game for the endless stream of bosses. It makes me want to get up and Bum Rush the hell out of something, and with the ability to now play this song on Guitar Hero (THANK YOU to whoever added this song!) I am hoping a new generation of RPG gamers will have to agree upon hearing this tune.

4. Forever Rachel - Poor Locke. You have to feel for the guy when you see his story displayed, and the tragedy that shaped him into the ironically chivalrous character he is. A thief with a heart? Say it ain't so! No matter how low I rank Locke's usefulness in the party, I have to say that he is part of some of the best storylines within Final Fantasy VI. Check out the orchestrated version sometime, as that one ALWAYS manages to get me a bit emotional. What can I say? It is a moving theme.

3. Slam Shuffle - I can't get enough of this theme. Leaping from window to window in the pouring rain, chainsaw in hand, this song makes Zozo among the most memorable areas in the game. Everyone in Zozo lies, but even they wouldn't be able to outright tell you that this song is crap. It is far too big of a lie for anyone to tell. I think the best version of this one out there, that I have heard, is by the Minibosses. They completely rock it out, just like you should.

HONORABLE MENTION #1 - Terra's Theme - Simple, yet it is memorable as one of the best songs to play while traveling on the world map in an RPG. It was hard deciding whether this was deserving to place in my top ten, and in the end the heartwrenching nature of Relm's Theme won out and knocked this one off the chart. Check out Terra in Black. You'll thank me later.

2. Aria di Mezzo Carattere - I would imagine nine out of every ten gamers who have played Final Fantasy VI through would likely name the Opera scene as the most memorable part of the game. I certainly would do so, and although I am too lazy to confirm my assumption I doubt it is too far off. Ever since we've seen a few failed attempts at recreating a scene similar to this in other Final Fantasy games, and none come close to reaching its greatness. Going hand-in-hand with this theme would be the Wedding Waltz - Duel, yet it pales in comparison to the magnitude of Aria. If you are lucky enough to find the entire opera scene lumped together into one, like the Darkness and Starlight by the Black Mages, you can enjoy it all wrapped into one lengthy tune of awesome.

HONORABLE MENTION #2 - Celes' Theme - Yes, it is much like Aria di Mezzo Carattere in all due respect, but it is the backdrop theme for one of the most impactful scenes in the game. What better way to capture the heartwrenching emotion when Celes goes to try and commit suicide? That alone makes it worthy of hitting the top ten, but at the same time it was too much like Aria to convince me to leave off Setzer or Relm in favor of this. Either way, I made damn sure to give mention to this incredible composition.

1. Dancing Mad - Dancing. ****ing. Mad. Bitches. Yes, this song is the representation of everything you have fought to achieve after hours of turmoil and emotional strain. People who claim One Winged Angel to be the greatest Final Battle theme of all time must not have played through VI. This music is PERFECT for the battle, and the organ piping the background with the chanting is perfect. The demented genius of Kefka is finally faced head-on and a gamer couldn't possibly demand a better theme to go with it. The Black Mages' version of this is one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME (not just in video games, people), and with valid reason. Long before Sephiroth fought you with his one wing, Kefka started the trend and does it far better.

-----------------------------

Now that we have that out of the way, we conclude with my most recent poetic production. I am highly biased when I claim I think this is one of the best I've ever written. I'd appreciate hearing feedback from others. My best, in my opinon, is When Love Dies. If you've not read that and want to, let me know and I'll post it here in my next entry. Heck I've probably got 50 poems or so around here that I could display if people demand to see them. Just don't overwhelm me with your silence. ;)

When I gaze upon the starry sky

When I gaze upon the starry sky
And they doth twinkle, bright with glee,
I dream of a distant place, to fly
To a land surrounded by tranquil seas.
In this place my heart doth reside,
The heart in my chest a separate entity;
Yet to bounds of reality I must abide,
Feeling toward it an eternal enmity.
This pen hath become my weapon, drawn
In defiance of all the miles between;
My words bridging distance until I'm gone
From the world I have experienced and seen.
In solitude I yearn for the day I can be
In this distant place, my heart rests with thee.

How time flies when you are having fun, huh? This week has flown and now I sit down to write out another entry. I have two things in store as far as writings to share with all of you. First is the poem I promised I'd add once Aimee-Beth got the letter (which she got a while back and there is a reply en route to me somewhere. Hopefully it gets here Monday!). Second is my newest promo on LWF. The guy who runs the LWF talks with me all the time on AIM, and he asks my opinion all the time on things, and I usually ask for feedback on my promos I put up. He finished reading tonight's promo and claimed I "floored him" with it. Which I think is going to translate into yet another win tomorrow there, extending my reign as the champion there to a FIFTH month.

It helped that I finally had an opponent who put forth enough challenge for me to go all out, so to speak.

Perhaps another reason for the inspired promo was the fact that I was messaging back and forth with one Ms. Aimee-Beth on TFF (for some reason MSN was being a pain to her and not letting her sign in). It was quite great, as always when I talk with her. Go ahead and call me crazy for liking someone who lives in a time zone six hours ahead of mine. Distance is but a temporary barrier. All things go well and distance can easily be eliminated.

Not a whole lot else to report. Undertaking a massive project for Major British Authors, which isn't actually due until the end of the semester. I'm going to do a lot of reading of Percy Bysshe Shelley. His poems we read for class had such power and conviction that I wanted to read more. Now I read 'Hellas' and 'The Masque of Anarchy' today while on breaks and lunches at work, both of which were awesome. I hope it continues that trend.

With the yawning I am now doing, combined with the fact that I need to write a letter yet tonight, I think I'll stop talking and get those two writings up on here. Feedback is always welcome!

------------------

On Love

What can the wretched know of love?
He who lives in misery and despair
Can only share that which he knows:
The hopelessness of tragedy.
To love means to live as life should be,
To experience deep joys in the everyday;
He who looks around and sees beauty, happiness,
Shall qualify as the superior lover.
This man knows no limits to his love,
His emotions not bound by condition;
The feeling as pure as the simple joys
Found in the world as seen by a child.
Like Francisco D'Anconia he knows no bounds of time,
His emotion is as eternal as time itself;
For that, like distance, are mere delays
That pass like a flash to all things eternal.
He takes pride in all that he does
And strives to live and achieve;
He gives to another all that he is, was, will be;
There could be no greater tribute paid.
Should he find another lover
Who expresses quite the same,
He could possess no greater joy
Throughout the rest of his days.
For one such as he, if he experiences love,
Will undertand all for which it stands
And in each act upon this earth
Will do honor to his only lover.

-----------------------

Psiko is standing behind a cardboard replica of a podium, the cardboard heavily covered with multi-colored duct tape. He bangs a gavel on the cardboard and it collapses, causing Psiko to frown. Firestar comes into view from behind the camera.

F: Its okay we'll just get rid of the podium. After all, it wasn't THAT critical of an element.

P: You don't understand! How can I parody someone's promo if I can't have a properly working prop?

F: Actually, doesn't the fact that it FAILS to function do more for that parody effect?

P: Oh, right. Now then, I need to talk to the people.

F: You're doing it wrong.

P: Huh? What do you mean?

F: U need 2 talk like this 2 address the fans in the manner which speaks 2 them, like him.

P: I don't understand what you just said.

F: Be more ghetto.

P: I don't want to do a gangster rap, though.

F: You don't have to.

P: And I ain't got a piece on me, I'm too...I mean 2 cool for that.

F: Talk slower.

P: I don't...understand why...this is how Felix...and Jermaine...like 2 talk...when they speak...2 the people...It is as if...they think...they are slow...2 understand...their words...

F: Okay, I didn't follow that at all. Sounds like you have his style down.

P: The key is...2 not b heard...but not 2 b understood...those thinking peeps...is whack...so now I...need 2 break...down...his promo...

F: Right, I'll roll the clip.

P: Its no...use Firest...ar...I can't...pick up on...what he means...I need u...2 translate...into English.

F: I can't do that!

P: I can't either! Where is Jay when you need him? He understands nonsense!

As if he heard himself summoned, Jay appears in a cloud of smoke with a tuba and is about to start playing, but Psiko cuts him off.

P: None of that tonight, Jay. I've got a big match tomorrow and so I've taken the week off from scheming.

J: Aww nuts.

F: What we really need is help with translation.

J: I am fluent in forty-six languages including binary and...

P: We don't need a life story. I just need someone who can tell me, in plain words, what the hell Derick Felix is saying in his promo.

J: I don't speak gibberish, I only speak nonsense.

F: Aren't they closely related?

J: There is a HUGE difference. You see the language of gibberish was established circa 1814 by the Greek...

P: Enough. I need you to get me Nomad. Maybe he understands, since nobody understands him?

F: You tried that last time you wanted to reply to a Felix promo like you used to, but if you recall his translation was even more confusing.

P: Which is unfortunate, because he UNDERSTOOD it.

F: Maybe between the three of us we can piece together enough of a meaning for you to break it down and rip it apart a la Triple M style.

P: Yeah, but Triple M made it easy once you could understand that 95% of his words were imaginary boasts about his greatness.

J: Felix sounded to me like he was being that way.

F: True, he was a bit of a braggart, when I could understand him.

Dynamite: My fellow... LWF wrestlers. We are in... a time... where... the dawn of a new day is coming. We have seen... a champion... who doesn't take his championship... seriously.

P: Oh nuts, the sun is going to rise tomorrow?

F: We'd better be prepared for the apocalypse soon if he is able to make those kinds of predictions.

J: Which champion is he talking about?

P: I'd guess he is addressing McCammon, who is pretty much a no show this month.

F: Yes, because you've been so serious lately about your title.

P: You're right, I have.

F: Do you have a dictionary?

P: On the bookshelf to the left in my room. Why?

F: Because I'm going to tear out the page that has sarcasm on it and hit you over the head with it.

J: The book has sarcastic definitions? I need this!

P: Felix, if you think for a moment that I don't care about this belt then you are believing exactly what I intended. You've fallen into my trap and, when you step into that ring expecting a folly of a match, you'll find yourself on the receiving end of the beatdown stick.

J: Yikes, not that again!

F: You just gave away your clever ploy, dear.

P: Crap! Um cut!

J: That just means 'stop rolling'.

P: We can edit it out!

F: We're shooting live, Psi.

P: There is a delay in the feed though, so they could go ::bleep:: over it!

F: We're about a minute past that point.

P: Aw, rats.

His aspirations... aren't dedicated 2 that... of the people. And when i say this... I mean he is more concerned... about running the show behind the front line. He is not concerned... about putting his body on the line... for you. He is more concerned... about the backstage politics. He is not concerned... about what goes on in the ring. He is more concerned about what winning... the LWF commissionership. He is not concerned about winning his match for the LWF championship.

P: NOT DEDICATED TO THE PEOPLE? B1TCH, PLEASE!

F: Oh no he didn't.

J: Ninja Master turning green...

P: Jay, go and fetch...the soap box!

J: No, not that! Don't get on the soap box! He didn't mean it!

P: Jay, bring me the soap box or Ninja Mistress will do the mushroom...

Jay darts off screen and returns with a large cardboard box which has the words "Irish Spring" written across it in permanent marker. Psiko steps onto the box and looks into the camera.

P: Do you know who I am? I'm the World Champion, bish. I'm a two time PEOPLE'S Champion, and the champion to the people still even without the existence of that belt. I've waged wars on the behalf of the fans of the LWF, and have put on the most insane matches for their enjoyment. Matches your mind couldn't begin to fathom. Gimmicks that would make a normal man's blood run cold. I've fought through countless injuries and illnesses to give these fans the best damn show they could imagine, and you have the audacity to be ignorant enough to say I am not dedicated to the people?

F: Calm down, Psi.

P: Why do you think I want to gain control over the commissionership? To manipulate my matches in order to have it easy? To give a screwjob to everyone who doesn't see things my way? Lies! All of them!

F: David, you need to control yourself.

P: I fight to give the people what they want. Rating are high this year, and they spiked with Lunacy on the Fringe. I receive more mail each day asking for me to face someone in a Guitar God Endurance Match than ones wanting an autograph. I've done all a person can do for the fans in the capacity I currently have. In order to be able to do more, I need to have the vacant commissionership position. It has never been about my own selfish wants.

IT HAS BEEN ABOUT THE PEOPLE.

And if you think my reign has been anything less than stellar, I beg you to put me in my place in the ring. I can take anything you dish and reciprocate equally. My prime has not passed me. I am at the top of my game and with each month that passes where I retain this belt it is another victory for the people. The fans who travel to cheer for me week after week. The people who tune in religiously to root for their favorite wrestler. Anything less than my best would be an absolute insult to them. My best is what they shall have on Sunday.

I believe it is time... for a change. A change... in the direction of this company. A change... in the talent that is utilized... in the main event. A change... in the face of... LWF. A change... in the World champion. In the... direction of this company, expect an explosion. In... the talent that is utilized in the main event, expect an explosion. In the face of LWF, expect an explosion. And in the World champion, expect... an... explosion!

J: Change. Now its time for change. Nothing stays the same. Now its time for change.

F: Stop singing Motley Crue.

P: A change in the direction of the company is exactly what my goal has been with the commissionership petition. You ridiculed that. We may have a change in the talent within the Main Event, although you have to earn that right from the fans themselves. You want a change in the World Champion, and I say that here I am. I've never backed down from a challenge. If you don't face me, challenge me. Don't wait for the next Pay Per View. I'd defend this belt every week, like my old reign before this contender system evolved. No one had more successful defenses than my reign back then.

I expect an explosion. Don't disappoint me with a lame fuse that doesn't go off.

Psiko, you and I have got some unfinished business. And the only way 2 settle it is in the ring at Vengeance. I know the fans are behind every contender for the World championship. But I know I've got the most hunger 2 win the gold. My drive succeeds my years but that hasn't stop me from earning what I've gotten so far. Whether some agree with it or not, I have what it takes 2 lead the new breed of wrestlers here in the LWF. Granted some have more promise than others, I know I'm the one with the most promise thus far. I know what it's like 2 hold gold and I've gotten the determination 2 be a mainstay in this federation. We've seen some bright stars come and go. We've seen some great people do great things, then fall into obscurity. I don't plan 2 fall. 2 me, every day is like I'm at the bottom and the only thing for me 2 do is 2 rise higher than I am.

F: When did hunger and drive produce results?

P: The fans are, as you said, behind all three contenders. You think we had unfinished business, but until tonight this was just a minor passing rivalry for the month. Your comments have ignited my rage and I beg all the fans who are yet to vote to grant your bid to Felix. I want there to be no claims of being held back or about how things would have gone down different if he would have been voted in. I welcome you into the school of hard knocks. I'll be your instructor. Lesson one: coping with losing the big one.

F: Because you are familiar with that feeling.

P: Hush.

J: Didn't you need Ninja Mistress to help you through those?

P: I didn't ask your opinion.

F: He has a point.

J: Ooh are you going to let him borrow Ninja Mistress as his wench?

F: I'm not Psi's wench.

P: She isn't for sale, trade, or loan.

I don't plan 2 go anywhere. I'm gonna stay here and do what it is I love 2 do, and that's put on a show fans will remember for a long time coming. I'm not a one-hit wonder. There are so many things unaccomplished by many greats here and I'm not going anywhere until my name is in the history books for accomplishing everything there is 2. "Dynamite" Derick Felix will be a household name and will be synonymous with "greatness". I've shown time and again that I can't be held down. If I fall, I get right back up 2 do bigger and better things. When I was just a no name talent, I was beat in a cage match against Matthew Carter. But from that, I soon became Cross-Hemisphere champion beating Lone Wolf. But I would lose it 2 Donovan Hastings. But from that, I've got the chance 2 compete for the LWF World championship. All in the span of this calender year. There's so much more year left and I plan 2 do even bigger and better things.

F: Finally, someone who won't disappear when they lose to you!

J: I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world.

P: No singing one hit wonders. Felix, if you look up greatness it will link you to Psiko. In the LWF there are three men whose feats could be seen as being linked as legendary: Phoenix, Arelas, and Psiko. Look at 2001-2002 and see what all three of us accomplished early in our careers. True, their early career was more impactful but who is on a hot streak now?

I have 2 throw modesty out of the window when it comes 2 the 2 guys I'm competing against. I've gotten more drive than Medos and Russo put together. They are main event potential, hell, the three of us were the past main event, and one day they will be World champions, but this isn't their time. Guys like Hasting, and Lone Wolf, and even you, Psiko, are the reason guys like Medos, and Russo, and myself may think we're being held down here. But the truth of the matter here is the talent of us young guys are so overwhelming 2 guys like you. You're almost intimidated by us. But there isn't need 2 be. We are your equals, especially in the ring. Us young guys are just as good as you. Some may not see their potential but it'll take a fresh face 2 the World title picture for them 2 realize what it is that they have. For them 2 realize that they have what it takes 2 compete in the main event, 2 headline a pay-per-view, 2 be World champion.

P: I'll reference you to last week's promo. If you missed it, which I assume you have, I mentioned all three of you as the FUTURE of the LWF. That the torch must eventually be passed. You aren't being held down simply because I best you in a match. It means I am a better competitor that night in that match. In a month you may be the better man. It is nothing about you being worthless if you lose. Only those who fade into the shadows deserve that title. Your fiery passion is what makes me have respect for you.

F: Where did all this seriousness come from, dear?

P: If I am going to be called out for not being serious because I scheme to take over the commissionership, then I am going to prove them wrong by picking apart their words.

J: Speaking of words, Russo just promoed. Want to see it?

P: Why bother? I'm sure he had nothing important to say. He likely echoed Felix.

J: Actually, that is exactly what he did.

F: So to John, you should simply see above and change "Felix" to "Russo". Same message.

P: Three men will walk into Sunday hoping to take this title away. One man will have that shot. Only one can walk away the victor. Whether defending my title in a cage match, a gladiator match, a carnage match, or a guitar god endurance match, I'll use every tool at my disposal. And to the fans who want to see me in action in that last match, the time is coming when I shall use these furious fret fingers to put Nomad to shame.

F: How about you use those furious fret fingers with me later?

P: We're going to have a Guitar Hero marathon? Rock on! I'll go set up!

F: ::sigh::

Fade to black...

Holy hand grenade of Antioch, Batman! We have another journal entry with another brilliantly composed essay for school being shared with you all. Philosophy is a fun subject to learn about, although there are certainly a fair share of dry material within it. I'm getting tired and have a letter to write still before I allow sleep to come tonight, so I'll keep this simple.

And note to self: in future Comp classes do not mention I am a writer. My Comp teacher informed me today she shall be holding me to a higher standard. I expected nothing less, though. :D

The Meaning of Life

 

Over the course of documented philosophy man has always asked one core question: “What is the meaning of life?” If there was a simple, universal answer we would no longer have to inquire about this question. It has been a popular topic of debate and everyone, whether they have cognitively formulated an answer to the question or not, has their own unique perspective on what the answer to this question is. This question has even occurred in forms of media, such as the book A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and the movie by Monty Python titled The Meaning of Life. With this in mind I shall embark to better define what it is that I, as one unique individual among the billions of humans alive today, perceive the meaning of life to be for me.

In order for life to have meaning there has to be something which I value in life. If I look at this basic concept and break it down I could say that I value knowledge because I enjoy learning. I could say that I value family and friendship because I enjoy their company. I value accomplishment because I enjoy being able to perceive the cognitive effort, combined with a physical execution, that took an idea and made it a reality. I value the freedom of both actions and decisions that are a part of my life through the presence of free will. There are many other things in life that I enjoy, but these four things are the most predominant factors, thus I shall define my meaning of life as having four parts involved that, as a whole, make up my philosophical perspective on this ancient question.

Let us go into even more detail on each of those aspects and expand upon the simple summarization. The meaning of my life is the pursuit of knowledge. I read all the time, enjoying books that span across genres, styles, and purposes. Some are purely for enjoyment and are just stories with no deeper meaning. Some are fictional with underlying purposes, such as the portrayal of a historical time period like in A Tale of Two Cities or of philosophical ideas like in Atlas Shrugged. Some are nonfiction and cover a broad range of topics. A more formalized means of learning is always available through colleges and universities, although even without the use of those my desire to expand my knowledge would still remain a pursuit through life. With knowledge comes understanding, and with understanding there will eventually be wisdom. There can never be a limit on how much a person can learn, other than that which they choose to place upon themselves and time itself bringing the neverending pursuit of knowledge to a premature conclusion.

The meaning of my life is the relationships which I form throughout my life. My family has these bonds through genetics shared, which makes them a close part of my life. I am lucky enough to be blessed with an all-around wonderful family who has shown nothing but encouragement for the paths I have chosen over the years. Friendships form the second part of the relationships that are a part of my life. Some are fleeting, seeming to pass in the blink of an eye in and out of my life. Others are enduring and last for years and years. Each one of these friendships holds some sort of value to me with every aspect of interaction that takes place. Every relationship helps shape me into the person I am today, as well as who I will be tomorrow and each day after.

The meaning of my life is the things which I accomplish. From the labor-intensive task of building a poker table out of sheets of wood, to a poem I write, to ideas of a new way to do things, all of these fall into personal accomplishments. People aspire to find a cure for cancer, and while I have no personal desire to enter into the field of medicine I dream of having some invention or discovery that has a similar impact upon the world.

The meaning of my life is having the freedom of choice. With an understanding of the laws of cause and effect, I value being able to know that the cause is something within my control. If I do not like my situation I am able to apply my free-will and do something to change it. If I do not like where I live I can move. If I do not like my job I can find another. If I do not like watching a movie I can watch a different movie. While the bounds of reality and morality will dictate just how far I can change my scenario (I can't fly because I will it to be so), there are a great many things that I do have the power to alter. Knowing that I am in control of my life and my actions is reassuring because life would be depressing if your whole life was predetermined and controlled by something else beyond your control or comprehension. I think of the ending to The Truman Show and what must have gone through his mind when faced with that decision: to live a life in the unknown where anything can happen or to live in a carefully controlled and manipulated environment. I think I would choose like he did every time.

So while there are a great many answers to the question of “What is the meaning of life?”, each person does have some sort of answer. Some people simplify things into one focal point, such as establishing world peace. Some will tell you that the meaning of life does not exist because there is no one answer. To those people I would argue that it is a good thing that there is no one meaning to life because if we all did the same things and had the same purpose then life would be far less exciting. People should be open to the variance of answers to the question and we should celebrate our differences and individuality instead of always trying to convince others that their views are wrong. I dare you to try and convince me my meaning of life is wrong. I'll use that free-will to defend my views and remain steadfast by my opinions.

September 10,

I am sure some of you long-term followers may recall an entry I did a while back where I had to describe my ideal location in 400 words or less. For Composition we had to write a descriptive essay and it took me two days to come up with a worthy idea: to expand upon that entry. What better way to demonstrate the power of description than to make a place that only exists in my mind come alive for another person? I've attempted to do so, and the following is my first draft. Honest feedback from anyone is welcome.

-------------

 

Melodic notes from a colorful bird outside the window signals the arrival of a new day. A cool breeze creeps in through the open window, contrasting with the warmth of the day. Golden rays of sunlight flood into the room, banishing the remaining traces of night. A single bed contained within the room, sheets sprawled in disarray. Two pillows reside at the head of the bed, each holding a different imprint and containing its own unique scent. Two small nightstands, one on each side of the bed, are covered with differing pieces of literature, reflecting the varied tastes between the two residents. The gleam of the sun reflects off the fresh polish on the hardwood floor. The walls are simple in decoration: bare apart from a quote hanging in the center of each wall. A sliding door that leads to a large closet is shut firmly, its only notable feature is the pair of polished silver handles.

Through an open door the sight of green and black swirl together to form the top of a marble sink within the bathroom. A large mirror hangs on the wall beyond the sink, surrounded on each side by a smaller angled mirror. Three black spotlights emerge from the wall right above the mirrors, aimed to allow optimal lighting within the room. White drawers, trimmed in black, are staged symmetrically from the marble counter to the floor. One drawer on the left is slightly ajar, a small bottle of cologne emerging above the edge. Droplets of water trail from the drain of a sink to a toothbrush left on the marble counter. The opposite wall extends out to hold a spacious shower, concealed by a decorative glass-paned door.

Beyond the next open doorway is a brick fireplace, the last embers of a late-night fire fighting to keep the spark alive. Beyond the fireplace every inch of the wall in the room is covered with bookcases. Each shelf of the bookcase is packed with books ranging from Plato's The Republic to Melville's Moby Dick to Rowling's Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Two reclining chairs rest side by side with a tall floor lamp extending high above them. A glass coffee table is placed in front of the chairs with two closed laptops resting upon it. Engraved within the glass are the words of Ray Bradbury, “Work. Relaxation. Don't think.” Outside the window is a small waterfall cascading down the structure of the building and flowing into a stream alongside the house.

On the eastern wall there is an opening that extends into the next room, although there is no door separating the two rooms. Miniature speakers are scattered throughout the room, strategically placed to optimize the surround sound experience. Wires from each speaker run along the walls and floor, all gathering together at the wooden entertainment stand in the northeast corner of the room. A large television rests upon the entertainment stand, its screen dark. To the left of the television is a vast assortment of compact discs, each one containing treasured pieces of music spanning from classic orchestrations to the most current rock bands. To the right there are five shelves, each one holding a classic video game system and a few of the more prominent games for that system. In the exact center of the room is a plush couch that is an earthy brown in color. A clock hangs on the wall, the silent ticking of each motion of the second hand filling the vacant room. Pictures of two people and their families and memories fill the walls around the room. A few paintings are mixed in, each one given to them by a close artist friend. The board game Risk is on the floor with various armies placed around the board and a beige cushion resides at each corner of the board. Empty glasses alternate in an unintended pattern with the cushions around the board.

The south wall has a door leading into the kitchen and dining area, both rooms merged into one. A sturdy table rests to the left, six chairs slid in underneath the table. The smoky scent of bacon fills the air, blending with the subtle smell of fresh pancakes. A dozen cabinets are spread throughout the kitchen, each one packed with cooking essentials. A sleek, black fridge towers over the stove beside it. A marble-topped counter runs parallel to the cabinets and appliances, appearing to divide the room in two. A three compartment sink stands out in the center of the counter, the polished silver faucet gleaming in the sunlight. Several appliances decorate the counter on either side of the sink. A few recipes are scattered on the counter, and a poem is hung on the fridge. A door to the west leads back into the bedroom. To the south a glass sliding door leads outside, letting the sunshine flood into the kitchen.

Nature surrounds the house on all four sides. Trees encircle the house in a thin ring, providing a small amount of shaded enclosure. A rocky slope climbs along the western edge of the house, a stream running from the west to the north. Twisting dirt paths head off in all directions from the house into the heart of the natural surroundings. The exterior of the house is made from natural materials, appearing as an extension of the location in imitation of the architectural design of Frank Lloyd Wright. Birds swoop through the branches, gathering materials to rebuild nests lost in the chill of winter. Squirrels scurry from tree to tree, gathering a fresh supply of food. Other wildlife comes and goes through the area, stopping to graze upon the grass or to drink deep from the stream. Two sets of footprints are worn into each dirt path, showing wear from frequent use over time. Flowers and herbs stretch toward the sky on either side of the paths, some being there naturally while others imported and planted with tender care. The shadows of tree branches dancing upon the exterior of the house as the day progresses, like each one before it and all those to come.

Man and nature coexisting in harmony in an experience that great poets such as Wordsworth attempted to capture. We all have our own notions of that perfect retreat or vacation where we dream of escaping to. For some it is as simple as a location such as Hawaii. Other people imagine a person or group of people they would choose to get away with as an escape. For some writers the strongest influence for their creativity comes from nature. Sometimes this is in the form of a brief stroll among the beauty of the outdoors to get the creative mind working. Sometimes sitting out amongst the trees and flowers is their form of inspiration. For others they choose to have a home away from civilization where they can write in isolation from the modern temptations and distractions, yet allowing enough of the modern world to not become completely shut out from what is happening. If the essence of all things natural surrounds you at all times, how could a writer not find proper inspiration to write?

September 9,

Hello again readers! See this is a sign that I may actually be back now, right? I promised I would get back to this, although I will not promise how often. With work and school I am unable to know how much time I shall actually be able to spare on this sort of stuff, but I will try my best. I even have a new poem that is ready to be entered, as soon as my first set of letters reaches Aimee-Beth. I'm determined to allow her to be the first to see that one, but once I get confirmation that she has it and has read it, you will find it in an entry on here. Excited yet? You should be.

I am on strike with my math class. It is my online course and there is one problem in there that makes absolutely no sense on how they arrived at the answer they did. You have to take a wire from one corner of the room to a speaker that is mounted at the ceiling on the opposite corner of the room, without running a wire through the air. You are to calculate the minimum length needed to do that. So, of course you take the length of the room and the width of the room, being 15 and 12 feet respectively, and divide the room in half to have two triangles, right? So pop in the Pythagorian theorum where length squared plus width squared equals your hypotenuse squared, right? So you get approximately 19.2 feet from corner to corner. Then you have to run the wire up the wall to the speaker, and the wall is 8 feet high. So logic would tell you that you need 27.2 feet of wire, right? Wrong. Somehow you need only 5.8 feet of wire because the "correct" answer is 25 feet. I, of course, sent an e-mail to the instructor about this problem and am waiting to hear back. If there is something I am failing to see then I need to know what it is before I attempt the quiz.

Now that I have that rant out of the way I'm going to post in here something I wrote a few days ago, and I referenced it in my last entry. All this month in the LWF I am having Psiko attempt to take over the vacant commissioner position in the LWF through wild schemes, a la pinky and the brain. I even wrote a theme song for it. This would be my second week doing this, and it has been met with some very positive results. I, of course, can't help but think of it as a work of genius myself but I am biased. I hope you laugh your heads off at some of the humor, as you don't really need to know anything about what is going on in the LWF to understand 95% of it.

-------------------

Psiko is in the Lunatic Fringe locker room, huddled over map of the world and a notebook, which he is frantically writing in. The door opens and Psiko doesn't even look up as Firestar walks in carrying some groceries. She looks at him and shakes her head slowly, a small smirk on her face as she sets the groceries down.

F: What are you doing, darling?

P: Scheming.

F: What are you scheming about?

P: Global domination.

F: You mean the LWF Commissionership, don't you?

P: Yes and no. It's the end goal, of course.

F: You should take a break. I'm sure scheming works up a massive appetite and you've done nothing but scheming since Monday night.

P: I'm almost through, 'Star. I'll show him who hold the real power around here.

F: Who, Lock?

P: Yes. Who does he think he is, interrupting my match like that and reversing the stipulation?

F: Well, he is the owner.

P: We all know he can't run this thing properly alone. That is why we've had Ooley and Arelas as acting commissioners in the history of the LWF. They offset his incompetence.

F: Maybe he is just waiting for you to lose that title. After all, its a big job to do and he wouldn't want you to neglect the duties as World Champion.

P: Nonsense. The other two had been champion as well.

F: Maybe he is afraid you'll use the power to maintain your title endlessly?

P: That corrupt part of me died a long time ago, when I left the Regime.

F: Maybe it's just because you touch yourself at night.

P: Of course that isn't why, 'Star. What a wild accusation.

F: So you don't deny that you do?

P: Yes. I mean no, of course I don't.

F: You don't deny it?

P: I don't do it.

F: Right, you do yourself.

P: No, you're twisting my words now.

F: I'll do a lot more than that.

P: Are you insinuating something?

F: A nod is as good as a blink to a blind bat.

P: You really want to get me going on Python? Last time, if you recall, I was quoting Monty Python for three weeks.

F: You're right, for once. So what are we going to do tonight?

P: The same thing we do every night, Arcadia: try to take over the LWF Commissionership!

Covert Jay appears in a puff of smoke, carrying a recorder. He begins to play the theme for Pinky and the Brain and then begins singing.

Its Psiko and Firestar
Yes Psiko and Firestar;
One is the world champion,
The other is...Firestar.

Firestar is flipping through the pages of the Psionic's Handbook while Psiko takes a twenty sided die and rolls a saving throw versus the horrible singing and fails, so Jay continues.

They're a pair of freaks,
Proudly being geeks;
They're micro, its Psiko
and Firestar, star, star, star, star.

Firestar starts to glow orange and hovers slightly in the air, glaring a hole through Jay who quickly breaks into the next verse while averting his eyes.

Before each promo is done,
Their plans will be unhinged;
The battle has not been won
Until the commissionership is in the Fringe.

Psiko begins to turn green and Firestar gains a stronger orange glow around her.

Its Psiko and Firestar
Yes Psiko and Firestar;
Its real easy to explain,
They both are quite insane.
But the ratings show their worth,
Its the best team here on Earth;
They're psycho, its Psiko and
Firestar, star, star, star, star, star, star, star, star...

Jay registers that both Psiko and Firestar's power level is over 9000.

Narf!

Jay flees, dropping the recorder. Psiko and Firestar both revert to their normal selves.

F: So how do you plan on accomplishing it this week, Psi?

P: Its quite simple, 'Star. We're going to invade Poland.

F: You're going to do what?

P: We're going to invade Poland.

F: You'll be doing that one alone.

P: But it is absolutely BRILLIANT! Lock will never see it coming!

F: So explain how invading Poland will gain you the LWF Commissionership.

P: Well, once we've taken over Poland Lock will be forced to recognize my superior might and the threat I pose to his Federation, thus convincing him it would be in his best interests to grant me the position.

F: Two problems.

P: There are no problems with this plan.

F: Two problems. First, how do you think that one man could possibly overthrow an entire government system and defeat the entire Polish army?

P: Between the two of us...

F: One.

P: Fine, I'll keep the glory for myself. Its quite simple, 'Star. I'll simply meet with the leader of Poland and offer him a date with Lock's Mom in exchange for the rule of Poland. I heard he is smitten with her.

F: You think he will trade the Presidency of his country for a date with a tramp?

P: Well, if he refuses I'll just go Psiko on him.

F: ::sigh:: Second problem: what do you think they are going to do to you after you "go Psiko" on the President of Poland?

P: Um, well they would recognize me as the more powerful leader and appoint me President.

F: Let us be rational here. You'll be in a lot of trouble with their government.

P: But...

F: Need I remind you about the Target incident?

P: No.

F: Well I am going to anyway. Do you remember what your plan was?

P: I was going to try to purchase a television using Monopoly money.

F: And what happened?

P: I demanded to talk to the manager because they failed to honor my method of barter.

F: And then?

P: The manager took the money and tore it into pieces.

F: And then?

P: I demanded he reimburse me the five hundred thousand dollars he tore up, and that I wanted it in small bills in a briefcase.

F: And then?

P: The security came up behind me and sprayed me with mace.

F: And?

P: They tasered me when I tried to fight them back.

F: And?

P: I spent the night in jail.

F: Why did you spend the night in jail?

P: Because you said I crossed the line between having fun and sheer lunacy, and that I deserved to spend a night there before you would make bail for me.

F: Now do you think invading Poland and trying to overthrow the Presidency would be more insane or less insane than that?

P: More.

F: And what do you think they will do to you, if you get detained?

P: They will have me drawn and quartered for crimes against the crown.

F: Would that help you accomplish the goal of being LWF Commissioner?

P: No, but...

F: But nothing. You are not invading Poland.

P: What about...

F: Or any other state or country or continent or planet.

P: Damn.

F: Why don't we just have an old-fashioned promo where you do a run-down of your possible competition?

P: Everyone else is already doing it, kinda like Lock's Mom. It just isn't as good if you know everyone else already has had it.

F: Any thoughts in particular that come to mind?

P: John needs to go back to the dojo and learn more kung fu. Felix needs to go to school and learn the difference between to, two, and too. Phoenix changes his persona almost as often as Fusion changes his theme. Medos can't compete because it would interfere with his tea time. Random McNally is a camera wh0re who has to get in the last word. The Big Time wants everyone to see the violence inherent in the system because he is being repressed. Bloody peasant. The rest simply don't matter enough to waste thought upon.

F: Okay, now that you are done with this Poland nonsense, how about you invade some of my territories?

P: Ooh we're going to play Risk?

F: ::sigh::

Fade to Black...

It has been far too long. I've been doing a lot of reading and a fair amount of writing. I'm back in college and loving that. I work a stressless 34-40 hours each week. I'm loving all of this.

I'm also in a long distance relationship with a wonderful girl, Aimee-Beth. So far each night I've sat down and written a letter to her. So I thought I might as well do SOMETHING with LiveJournal once again and post a written letter on here, too. Will I do this every night? No, of course not. Will I do it occasionally? Sure. Will I still get back to posting writing on here? I would like to. With class assignments rolling in, I shall have no shortage of things to keep up with on here.

I'm cutting this short because it is getting late and I am getting tired.

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September Eighth, Two Thousand and Nine - 1:07 a.m.

My dear Aimee-Beth, how wonderful today has been. My morning began in a most boring way, as I had to do some homework that I shall need for classes tomorrow early in the morning. The essays we had been assigned to read for Composition were mostly boring and, after getting partway through the second, I allowed myself a brief distraction to go and make some tea. Of course when I was doing that I looked over at my XBox and temptation hit me. I turned it on and began to play some more Guitar Hero: Smash Hits. Nearly two hours later I finally ended my "brief" intermission from my reading, and finished the essay I had begun previously. By that point it was nearly time for me to meet up with a friend for lunch. Where did the morning go?

I met Bettyjo and her son, Spencer, at this new pizza place here in town. They had a great buffett and, to top it all off, it has a massive arcade along with go-karts, mini-golf, bowling, and bumper cars. Four hours of my day was spent there with them, enjoying a race on the go-karts and playing such a great variety of games there. I first imagined my money would all be spent in the Guitar Hero Arcade there, but after one song I quickly ended that notion. The controllers were that bad. I found, instead, myself playing Dance Dance Revolution for the first time and enjoying it far more than I should. I also spent a lot of time on the Skee Ball. Both fun ways to pass the time away.

When I got home I went for a walk, since it was such a beautiful day outside. I wish you could have been here to enjoy such perfect weather! The sun was shining with a nice, cooling breeze sweeping through the air. As I've mentioned before, I do enjoy my walks quite a bit, They allow me to do uninterrupted thinking, and it seems a lot of my most creative ideas come to me when I am on a walk. Sadly there was no spark of inspiration today, but I am still quite overjoyed with the results of my walk two days ago.

When I returned from my walk it was more reading for classes. I did find myself enjoying a few of the essays, and enjoying even more the reading for History of Modern Russia. My plan originally had been to do some writing for the Divided RP on TFF after this, but I happened to find myself playing Final Fantasy XI instead for a good while to pass away my evening. It then got late enough that I was about to start reading more of Atlas Shrugged when Cilla messaged me. We had a great intelligent conversation, a fair amount of it involving long distance relationships in one way or another. It is nice talking to another who is successfully thriving in a long distance relationship. I'm so happy for her and Martin, and can only hope to find the same joys and successes.

So now I am here and writing to you, as always now, right before I head off to bed. I suppose this habit makes it so that you are the last thoughts I have before I drift off to sleep each night. I like that, and maybe that is the reason I continue this routine instead of writing earlier during the day. I'm also posting this letter in my much-neglected LiveJournal. I hope you won't mind. I really need to get back on track with posting on there more often, too. Perhaps doing this, tonight, shall help assist that. I know I had at least a few people who would read it back when I was on there regularly. Maybe I can establish an even larger fanbase this time around.

Sleep well, Aimee-Beth, although morning is arriving for you even now as I lay me down to sleep. Time zones are becoming among my least favorite things.